F*%@k It

Historically I have found that when faced with the death of someone I know, there is this desire to not waste moments. A remembering of the sheer preciousness of life, a reminder not to sweat the small stuff, a desire to live consciously, is awakened. Who knows how many moments any of us are granted? And then time passes, normal life starts to creep in, and I forget how precious each moment is. Someone bumps into me on the train, cuts me in line, and that desire to not sweat the small stuff evaporates and I'm a little anger ball for no reason all over again. I forget that each day and interaction and second is special. As I reflect and remember a friend who recently passed away I once again wake up to the preciousness of this life and this moment. I also remember a mantra I started following  more earnestly last winter: "Fuck it." I know, very deep and profound. But, fuck it. Historically speaking I can get so caught up in the what ifs and the I don't knows and I get in my own way and block paths in which I might live my life more fully. I get scared and shy away from living fully because it means taking risks, it means putting myself out there, it means stepping, perhaps leaping, into the unknown. But you know what, then I remember this mantra, I remember the preciousness of each and every moment and opportunity to live and I say, "fuck it." Usually out loud for added oomph. What's the worst that could happen? 50 years down the line I figure I'll regret the actions I didn't take and will have learned a little something from the ones I did. And if I don't make it 50 years and my life is cut short, will I be more upset that I didn't take that step into the unknown or that I did? So fuck it! Go live life! Do that which you have put off! Take action! We don't know how many moments we have so why not make them memorable and live each one fully. It's worth it and you're worth it. And when you forget your preciousness, have compassion for being human and, fuck it, begin again.

Happy Glittery New Year!

peace,
julia

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